I do not like the company of my sadness, my hurt , these thoughts.
They want to swirl around like a whirlpool, pulling me down.
It becomes physical, my head aches, my eyes hurt.
Tears are an unusual relief, but there is a river more I can’t reach. A gate holds them back.
I search for a way out. How can I alleviate my discomfort? Get away from myself…
I could turn to alcohol, there is none in the house. Or another substance, but I don’t.
Food is my vice & it makes me sick.
I see beauty in my daughters faces, in their hearts, in their entire being. It lightens me for a moment.
I see the mess in the kitchen & I slip backwards…
But as the kitchen is cleaned, the feelings slowly decrease. They are still there, but less..
A craving passing?
90’s music & singing
Cuddles from my girls
Lying in bed with Super girl talking openly about Drugs – a great conversation.
Some mindless T.V.
My head on my husband’s lap as he strokes my hair
And finally, thankfully, sleep
I can handle this!