I have never wanted to be older than I am. Even at a young age, I realised I would never be that age again. You can ask my Mum! I remember being a child & not wanting to become a teenager, I liked being a kid; I had a wonderful childhood, (something I value greatly). I didn’t really want to grow up in a hurry.
I have always noticed the moment I was in. I find it fascinating how time works, how I can be looking forward to something for so long, it arrives, I try to savour it & then it’s gone / past. I can now think back up to 30 plus years now & it doesn’t seem that long ago! Time is always moving, even though at times it seems faster or slower than others. I’ve often thought about how this is so, this moment is the time, where I’m at, right now and this moment will never be here again. Makes it so valuable & so interesting. I don’t know if I can exactly describe what I mean. Yes it’s about mindfulness – which I absolutely love. But it was before mindfulness had a name. It’s about being really in awe of the moment that is right now.
Life is about moments, special & ordinary. Good & bad. This moment, as I’m writing this, my 7 month old baby is sleeping, my 11 year old is in her bedroom playing, and the cat is sleeping on the bed behind me, my husband’s gone out. I feel peace; I have a few moments to myself to write.
I am 39! 6 more months in my 30’s, I still don’t want to grow older (in a way) however I think the older I get, the more I get it! Life & experience makes you wiser, makes me worry less in ways & more in others. I hope I will enjoy being 40, it sounds a little old! But the older I get the younger it seems. I don’t feel old. I have to think of something special to do to commemorate the occasion – a motorbike licence maybe, a trip overseas!?
I love where I live; I love my house, my husband, my 2 daughters, 2 dogs – even though one has multiple personalities (Jack Russel) and my fat cat. I enjoy having chooks. I am enjoying the moments in each day caring for my baby & watching her discovering the world. I’m happy that I’m able to enjoy it more now I’m feeling better & my PND is more under control.
When you’re in the middle of PND – it’s very foggy & hard to enjoy the moment, you want time to go faster, and you want to be out of what you are in, as you are not enjoying it. It is not good feeling like this, especially when you have a beautiful new baby. Now that I’m almost through it – thankfully, I’m trying to think of ways to make the most of my days, visiting friends, doing some exercise, having a balance of housework, cooking & enjoyable activities such as this writing, photography and art. When was really low I didn’t have the ability or motivation to do these things even though I wanted to.
Mostly I just want to continue to enjoy this moment, this time, this age I’m at. As it will never be here again that is for certain. Summed up by my all-time favourite quote: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery & today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present”