Addiction

For six weeks I was clean.

I believed I had beaten it.  I felt good, confident, and proud.

 

But someone had a Paris Breast at work.

I went to some training & food was a constant.

I splurged on a coffee, then another & another.  Because I wanted to!

 

How effortlessly I fell into old habits.  Emotionally feeding myself.

I ate less fruit.  It’s harder to fit it in when you’re filling up on other crap.

Yesterday I ate two lines of chocolate.  One was stolen.  I didn’t care.  ‘Fuck that healthy eating shit’ I thought.  ‘I deserve this’.

 

The guilt has returned.  It’s a constant Woe.

My mood is worse.  Anger is more present.  I think I’m turning into a Witch!  I’m mean to those I love the most.  And my evil Woe is grinning  at me.

 

The challenge is not to beat myself up, to be kinder, and give myself a hand up, a gentle nudge forward.

 

My intention, set with the new moon is fading on the white board.

My persistence has strength like a Lions roar….”

Maybe it’s a Lion’s cub or a ginger kitten, but it is still there.

 

My mind wanders to others battling addictions: Gambling, Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Porn, food…

I believe I have a glimpse of their rough and awful road.

 

“I get knocked down, but I get up again” is playing in my head.

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