Last night we finally put our almost 8 month old baby in her own room. For the first time in 8 months we had our room to ourselves. We’ve been sleeping separately, he’s been doing the late night feed then we swap beds in the night & I do the early morning feeds. Finally together in bed I thought, well… you know… When he picked up his book I was a bit offended. I had to say something.
He said he just felt so tired all the time. The past 8 months have been hectic! This was the first time we’d been together alone in some time. Often our other daughter was not in bed until 9pm & by 9:30pm I’m ready for bed – I’m not a night person. He is. Not much of a window of opportunity. He said he had become a bit protective of his time to himself after I went to bed & enjoyed a couple of hours to read or watch TV – I understand that. I said I enjoyed when I went into the spare room & shut the door to go to sleep – no one else around! I crave my own space too!
I couldn’t help feeling it’s not a good indicator if you don’t have sex very often. But as we talked it through, things came to light. I realised, yet again I have a very considerate & patient man. He said he didn’t want to be asking for sex all the time when he knew I was so tired & worn out from looking after our baby. He’s totally right, it’s not like I’ve wanted it very often at all, I’m usually too tired, and there was a baby in our room.
He said things have just been so busy for us. Previously in the night he’d taken the cot down & re-assembled it in the baby’s room. He said as he’d gone to the garage to get an allen key, he’d stopped off via the pool to put some chemicals in it. (Multitasking) After a full day at work, he rode his push bike home (we only have 1 car & he rides to make it easier on me) When he got home that afternoon the 2 girls & I were not home, he said he’d walked in & there was mess all over the kitchen bench (my pet hate) he didn’t feel he could just ignore it so he cleaned it up. He said he then just wanted to do 10 laps of our 7 metre pool. After about 2 laps, he heard us arrive home. Damn! I got out of the car with the baby & went over; he didn’t stop swimming & said he just wanted to do 10! I know how he feels. Sometimes you just want to do your thing!
Perhaps we are not so different in many ways. All day I am going from room to room finding things that need doing. I put bubby to bed & then find nappies I have to put in the laundry to soak. In the laundry I find a load of washing to be hung out. I find plates & cups in the lounge room that need to go in the dishwasher, I go to the kitchen to do that & find bottles that need washing. I start to prepare dinner & notice the floor needs to be swept. I am constantly multitasking, chopping & changing to get things done & try to be organised. We both are. I guess I thought it was just me! (Moment of clarity)
I have high expectations of my husband. I do this because he’s earnt it. He doesn’t let me down. He is a great man. A real S.N.A.G. He cooks, cleans, washes & does everything for our baby (multitasker). He gets up in the night to feed her too. He slept holding her for the first 6 weeks! Our lawns might get long but they get mowed eventually. Or oil gets changed in the car. He is a handyman & can fix anything. He does a lot of work to keep our pool in good condition. There is a lot on his plate. But he does it without whinging & we still laugh & have fun together.
I also have high expectations because I’m worth it. I’m his partner, not his maid¸cook or babysitter. I deserve this great man. We look after each other & we make a damn good team.
What I love is that we can talk these things through; here I am worrying that something is wrong, he doesn’t want me anymore & the simple answer is he’s buggared too! He’s just as stretched as I am. And he doesn’t need to have sex all the time. I think we both see sex, not as a right in a marriage, but something special at the right time, when both of us want it. He realises that the dynamics have changed through having a baby & he has adjusted his behaviour & expectations accordingly, we both have. The good thing is we can now re-establish our relationship and sort of start all over again.
And finally, there’s one particular area he’s especially good at multitasking in …. But I can’t give away all my secrets….